At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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