I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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