So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
