i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
