I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
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Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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