He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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