if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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