Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
