If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize