barbara walters just said penis...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm just crazy horny about you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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