Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
