My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
