it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
