i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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