Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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