Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
