how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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