I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
