as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
