I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
