Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
