Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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