Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
