Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
