He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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