oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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