people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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