I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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