Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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