if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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