I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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