I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
