there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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