I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
