he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
