I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
