I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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