Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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