u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
