I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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