Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
