He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
