whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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