Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
