shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
