you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
