so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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