dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
MIDGETS
????
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
