I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
