He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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