Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
