I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
