There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think i have two assholes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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