You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
