while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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