Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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