just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
