He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
