that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
