My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There r osticjed everywhere
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
