i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
