Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
