Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
