Can i not drive my cunt home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
