READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
