So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jerry, you need to find god
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
