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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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