Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
