she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
