whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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