Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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