My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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