I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
