my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize