Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
