Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
