I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
